WHY DO PRONOUNS MATTER?

Pronouns can seem a little complicated, especially to heterosexual or cisgender individuals who have never had to tune into LGBTQ+ conversations. The fact that you want to understand how pronouns work and are open to learning why they are meaningful is an excellent first step.

What are pronouns, and how do they work?

Pronouns are the words we use to speak about others in place of their name.

A person’s gender does not automatically determine their pronouns. It is common for men to use he/him pronouns and for women to use she/her, but that is not always the case. Other people prefer gender-neutral pronouns like they/them or ze/zir. Someone may even skip pronouns altogether. The list of potential pronouns is long, and more may come in the future.

Why do pronouns matter?

Using the pronouns a person prefers shows that you respect their identity.

It is not an optional practice, though many treat it like it is. Ignoring requested pronouns is disrespectful and hateful. Pronouns are not just words, and you do not get to pick and choose them for those around you.

If you have known someone for a long time and they switch preferred pronouns, mistakes will likely happen as you make the change. It is normal to struggle while getting the hang of new pronouns. If you use the wrong ones, don’t be too hard on yourself. Just apologize and move on.

Even if your current pronouns match the ones selected for you early in life, you can still share them with others.

Using your pronouns when you introduce yourself, placing them on your name tag, or adding them to your email signature are a few ways to share your pronouns.

When you are forward about your pronouns, it can help those around you feel supported and comfortable sharing their own.

How do I know which pronouns to use?

Many people will not mind if you ask them what pronouns they like. If they are uncomfortable with this question or do not wish to share this information with you, that is entirely okay. They may decide to share their pronouns with you in the future, and they may not. Whether or not to share their pronouns is a decision only they can make.

You can’t figure out a person’s pronouns from their appearance or voice. Assuming or guessing someone’s pronouns is rude, and it honestly isn’t possible. Unless a person tells you what pronouns they use, it is best not to assume.

If someone shares their new pronouns with you, make sure they are ready to share these with others to avoid accidentally outing them. Some people may use different pronouns with you than they use with other groups. They may feel safe confiding in you and not ready to tell others.